money blows

Money blows.

Yesterday was a rough day. Neither Tim nor myself were in any sort of mood. I was just normal, pre-girl time miserable and he was all bent out of shape because of money. While I know that I get equally bent out of shape, I didn't fully understand his mood yesterday. At one point I saw hope while we were at the grocery store he said he was out of his funk, he lied. But July was a really rough month for us, I'm just happy that we're still afloat and could afford food this week.

Anyway, the point is, saving is difficult. I don't understand how people do it. Sure there are things I can definitely cut back on and save $3 here and $25 there, but what's the point? I mean, why do I have to spend my life depressed that I can't afford anything or enjoy my life? I have this mentality, which makes having to save for a wedding quite a challenge.

Plus, July was the toughest money month I've had in quite some time. I was in a car accident, so there add on the repairs, plus the rental car, along with regular bills and gas. I also found out (much too late to be any help) that my insurance is terrible and I have an $800.00 deductible. Why ANY company would ever offer such a terrible plan is beyond me. How I got stuck with this plan is also beyond me. And so I got hit with a bill for my doctor appt and an MRI, release the waterworks!

I have student loans that basically consume almost 1/4 of my pay every month. This is something that I can barely stand to think about or else I'll just feel completely hopeless. Why does education cost so much? These student loans have, are, and always will be a gigantic thorn in my side until I am 50 years old. I don't know what I'm going to do, especially because I feel that if I ever want to change my profession, school is a must, I will never be able to go, because I can't afford even more student loan debt. How will I be able to start a family? Afford a nice house? Buy a new car? Go on a nice vacation? It makes me feel depressed and alone and completely trapped. My hope is that one day I will be able to find a job that gets me by without making me want to cry - at least if I enjoy my job, maybe I won't feel so sad.

As for saving for my wedding, well, that's mostly Tim, and I feel terrible about it. I hate that I can barely contribute to the wedding fund. It makes me feel guilty spending it, it makes me feel guilty in general. For our wedding we have to cover a few things: the flowers, the photographer overflow (Tim's parents are helping there), the odds and ends, and that's about it, so we're very fortunate.

Being such an avid photographer, I really, really want a photobooth at our wedding. Thing is, they cost upwards of $1,200.00. And so, this is my goal. My goal is to be able to afford a photobooth for my wedding. Meaning, I am going to challenge myself to save $1,200 myself in order to do this. No help from anyone else, just me. Don't have a clue how I'm going to do this, but I'd really like to know that I did. I'll keep you updated on any sort of progress. Keep in mind, I'm going to have to contrubute to the actual wedding fund as well as this, so, this might proove to be difficult.

Meanwhile, I'm trying to find new and fun ways to both excite my life and make money. I've considered a second job, but I just don't think a minimum wage, retail job would be worth it. I'd come home with checks for about $100.00 and I'll be exhausted without any time for myself. To me, the trade off isn't there. I've considered wedding photography as a side job. I would really love to do this, but I just am not that confident in myself. I know, that's my problem, but I'm working on it. Plus, all I have equiptment wise is my dad's Cannon. I've talked to friends about this, and it's definitely something I might be able to get into working with one of them, so we will see how this evolves. I also sell my photography and paintings online. The links are available on the side of my blog, feel free to share with your friends!

Anyone else have any suggestions on me reaching my $1,200 goal?