bottled creativity

I have a good life, I do. I can't complain about most things.

I have a wonderful family who are always there for me - granted my father still being here would certainly make things better. I can't be sad about my dad being gone though, I had a wonderful father, one that most other people could only dream of, and I was blessed with him for 24 wonderful years. All on borrowed time. I have a wonderful fiance, he takes care of me, he believes in me, he supports me, and he's even accepted me overlooking my mountains of student loan debt. I have two lovely puppies, an amazing nephew.

We live on our own (with roommates). We are able to buy food and gas, we own cars, we can explore and take trips and be blessed enough to have the resources to plan a hopefully beautiful wedding.

My fiance is a fantastic artist. He paints and draws and all that fancy stuff. Recently a friend from high school, well, more an acquaintance who has since become a friend, began her own art show. There have been a few so far and there is a lot of promise of more to come. Tim and I have been fortunate enough to have spotted this at the very beginning so it's become sort of a hobby. There's a new show coming up (see photo) and I'm excited to hopefully take part. And with that comes the reason for this post:

I've recently rekindled my creativity, making my desk job completely unbearable. My daily workday is like this: I arrive as early as physically possible (usually around 7:10-7:30) I sit here trying to open my eyes, checking Facebook, Yahoo, and Twitter for an hour. Around 8:30 we start work. I manage to get everything out of my bin and finished usually around 10am, sometimes before, sometimes a little after. At 10am I begin the internet. I sit on the internet, browsing, posting, trying to find something to occupy my time until lunch at 12. Depending on how we spend lunch I either go out or sit at my desk for more internet. That goes on until about 2pm. By then there might be a little more work in my bin so I get that done, usually by around 2:30. After 2:30 I sit around until I can free myself from this hell of a desk at 4pm.

And that is my day, friends. You might be thinking, "Hell! What is she complaining about?!" I see that side of things sometimes. I am thankful to have a job, to have benefits (sort of - that's a story for another time) but sometimes I just can't take it. What am I to do with my life when I spend 35 hours a week refreshing Facebook or starting 15,000 different blogs to write about things that no one will ever read?

I've wanted to become a teacher for almost a year now, but there's no possible way I can do so. It's so depressing to think that I could be out there making a difference with my life instead of sitting here. I think this is why I am trying to desperately to become more creative outside of my job. The more I do outside of this building, the better I feel about myself.

I am really trying to branch out into the art world more, it seems to be working. I have a lot of friends in the art world. Another thing I'd love to start is wedding photography. Maybe as a side job, any takers?

But as for now, I'm trying to convince myself that life is a lot more than your job, however it's a difficult thing to do when one spends most of their time at a desk. How can I make my life more meaningful without going into mounds of debt?