in trying to figure out if i'm happy or not i came to this conclusion.
(from an email i sent to tim this morning)
"So I was thinking about it last night – but I couldn’t talk about it because I didn’t want to get really upset – but I think a big factor in my mood is my dad. I really miss him, a lot. My whole life is completely different. Everyone around me has changed. Everyone. My family life isn’t nearly the same and it is really painful and depressing. I try not to let it phase me, but I think deep down it’s always a big deep, gaping hole. I don’t like using my dad as an excuse for how I act all the time, but sometimes I have to accept that I think that’s what it is, I just hope you don’t think it’s a cop out for me being miserable all the time.
The only way I can talk to anyone about this stuff is when I type it out because I wouldn’t have been able to get “I miss my dad” out of my mouth because I just became inaudible and hysterical.
I love you. I’m sorry. Thank you for always being there for me. <3"
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