my choice

Since this week was so shitty for both Tim and myself, I decided (since I got paid 2 days early - hooray for direct deposit and pffcu!) that I would treat him to dinner. Normally, when I have a terrible day/couple of days, Tim sneakily runs to ShopRite and buys me wonderful flowers. Since Tim is a boy and probably wouldn't really care for flowers, I sometimes have a hard time thinking of cute things to do for him to cheer him up. He likes beer, but beer is usually impersonal, yet appreciated (so this was my backup plan). He doesn't really care for food so that makes taking him out for dinner difficult too, however, that's what I ended up doing. I was going to just cook eggs or pasta yesterday, but I decided that he deserved a tasty fancy beer (something other than the normal Coors or PBR) and a steak (even though he just got a steak sandwich type thing).

It was really nice to get out. We went to the Blue Monkey Tavern for dinner. We first went there about 6 months or so and I really enjoy it. It's a mixture of classy and regular ol' pub. They have a wide variety of fancy beers on tap - which is always nice for Tim - and fun for me since I get to pick what he drinks (muahaha). Their food is fancy, yet casual, and usually always delicious. It's about 5 minutes from our house, so as a little mini date, it's always a good choice.

While we were sitting around at home last night, watching Project Runway, I said that I think it'd be awesome if I could create clothes like that, that I wish I were a designer. Tim turned to me and said, "you wish you were anything but what you are, you hate your life." This is not a true statement but it is a partially true statement. I hate my work. I love my life. As I went through in a previous post, I have a wonderful family, friends, etc. It's just my job that makes me want to pull my hair out. He said that he refuses to start a family with me until I'm happy with my life.

In the way I see things right now, work is just that, work. If I wanted to do something different a lot of sacrifices would have to be made; sacrifices that I'm just not willing to make at this time in my life. We would acquire more debt, something that is unfathomable right now, and we would struggle to do anything in our lives. I wouldn't be able to work because I'd go back to school, and I just can't put our relationship through that. Once things work out and settle down, I'll find a better job. I understand that this won't happen until I've gotten where I want to be in life with my family. I am not willing to put on hold my future marriage and my future children because I'm cranky about where I spent 8.5 hours of my day. This is my choice, but I think it's the right one for where I am in my life and what feels important to me.