no rules

I am excited to say that I finished my first set of paintings yesterday that I am really proud of. I always wanted to paint, but I never really "knew how" and for some weird reason, I was always afraid to just try to figure it out. I guess I never felt I was good enough, or was afraid that anyone that looked at me and my work would laugh. I think that's a small reason why I gravitated towards photography; I can fix photos, I can hide photos. I can just post a bunch and see what people like/don't like. With a painting, you can't do that. People see your thought process and your skill and imagination with painting.

Even with photography, I am very reserved. I never really get into crazy spots to take amazing photos, I sometimes hide my camera for fear of people thinking I was strange. I understand that this is ridiculous, but it's subconscious. When I finally went to AC Moore with Tim and we bought stuff for me to paint, I was still very reserved. I just kept asking if he thought I was being stupid of if he thought I was being ridiculous, he of course only thought I was ridiculous for asking such questions...

When we got home I was still afraid to sit down and try it out. I made Tim sit with me and "teach" me what to do. I was so timid and silly. I've never been good at working on things while people watched, so I immediately regretted asking him to sit with me, but I tried to work through it. We came up with my first painting ever, a duel effort of just playing with the paints and doing whatever we wanted.


His main suggestion was to just let go and do whatever, that there were no rules. No rules? What? I'm sorry, but I went to Catholic school my entire life, I had perfect attendance for 7 years. I went to college, partied responsibly, got a job right away, and I've never missed a payment for anything in my life, my brain does not understand the concept of "no rules". This is still something that I'm heavily struggling with. Even after finishing my first set of paintings, there were still rules for me. I still had to think about what I was going to do, sketch it out, make it look exactly right. I finish these paintings in less than an hour, the second I'm remotely happy with it I'll stop. I don't know if I'll ever learn to just play around with paint and a canvas. I'm too structured of a person for that.

As for my paintings, it's a triptych. It started with a random idea. I was driving home one day and I saw the Philly skyline. I got the image in my head and I decided to just go home and go for it. No one was home, so this made it a lot easier for me to work. I don't like people seeing me work, ever, even when I know what I'm doing. I have no idea where this fear stemmed from. After I finished my first painting I was really happy with it, a lot of people I showed it to seemed to really like it too. The next day I started brainstorming about other images I could paint in the same style. Safety is my thing. Once I figure something out, and it looks good, and I know how to do it, it's safe - so I stick with it. Here's the end result:

What do you think? Any suggestions? Any thoughts?

One other question is: does anyone know of a place to get prints made for a cheap price? I think these would possibly sell and I would like to explore that oppertunity.

And so for now, I hope to branch out in the world of paints. Now that I know that I can do it, I know that I'm capable of making something I'm happy with, maybe my brain will allow me to explore the world of "no rules" and paint some really fun things.